Marriage proposals in Morocco
By Joanne Lane In Fes, Morocco I was offered ten camels for my hand in marriage. All I had to do was learn how to cook Moroccan food, speak Arabic and live in the desert. Arranged marriages in some parts of my family are not unheard of so I was not completely taken back. Besides the cooking part I could probably have mastered. Delicious breads, couscous, mint tea, tangine style vegetables and other mouth-watering recipes begged to be mastered. But the other two conditions seemed a little more challenging. So I refused the offer good naturedly and received the assurance that if I ever changed my mind he would be waiting for me in the same cafe with its endless mint tea service. It was one of those travel moments that make a good tale later on but after some reflection I realised there was a lot more to this simple proposal - particularly in light of increased discussion about Islamic countries since the September 11 terrorist attacks and the role of men and women. Morocco, like many Islamic countries is a male dominated society. Looking around me I could see cafes and street corners lined with men idling away their time. There was not a woman in sight, a rather eerie and uncomfortable feeling. While the constitution of the Moroccan Kingdom grants all citizens the rights to education and employment and the same political rights, Moroccan women are still discreetly present in society. So where were they? Any useful Moroccan guidebook or Moroccan person will tell you that the women are at home. They simply do not come out at night to sit here like this in a mint tea shop. No wonder I was receiving attention. Only prostitutes (and foreigners) would go to movie houses, cafes or nightclubs. Any women that are out at night are with their husbands. When you do see women in Morocco some wear a long robe called a jellaba which allows them to peer through face-concealing hijabs. Although in Fes and other metropolitan cities women also wear more westernized pants and blouses. Other women can be seen shopping or taking kids to school. Wherever or whenever you seem them they are all going somewhere, they do not congregate in public or sip tea leisurely like the men. In fact Moroccan women spend most of their time at home or in the hammams where they can socialize and gossip, cleanse themselves and even inspect prospective brides for their sons. It's definitely a segregated society. In public men and women rarely socialise and certainly do not touch. Any display of affection is taboo. On the other hand same sex friends or relatives can walk arm-in-arm or even hand-in-hand. Recently a committe was formed to review the Moroccan family law (Moudawwana) which is primarily a translation of texts drawn up by legal authorities centuries ago, that does not take into account the character of contemporary Moroccan society. In short Moroccan women live in a modern age but remain governed by ancient texts. The committee is seeking to bring the condition of women closer to the ideals of the United Nations. But it won't be easy as Moroccan society is based on the family whose structure rests on the legal inferiority of women and mothers. So with Muslim women basically out of the picture, a foreign woman like myself, even modestly dressed, would stand out like a neon light in a dark street. Combined with western movies and television which depict women willingly engaging in intimate situations with men, how can we be surprised that Arab men might think western women are "easy"? To my suitors credit there were no underhand suggestions about sex, although surely that would be expected? (I flatter myself). He simply declared he wanted a "good woman" so I'm not sure what he hoped to glean from marriage with me. Not only would he lose ten good camels, but he would gain some rather serious student debt (that yes, I still have not paid off). He also seemed to have no interest in the one thing I could offer - the possibility of work abroad. In fact he was insistent we would live in Morocco. An interesting idea because marrying foreign women is seen in many places as a ticket out of a country with high unemployment or other problems. Marriage can bring a passport and a better life. And in a society with no concept of love before matrimony it's simply a means to an end. So indeed my suitor was either an odd fellow, lying or the ultimate Moroccan catch. He might have even helped me learn Arabic and cook. Unfortunately our relationship never developed far enough for me to know much about him. He was just one of the one million inhabitants in Fes. Perhaps he was a tour guide who heckled visitors at the gates for an escort through the confusing medina, or a tout that sold hotel beds and received a commission. He might have worked in the tanneries where the men wade through the waters turning and collecting hides with mint leaves pressed to their noses to keep out the smell. Or he could have been a bread maker from any of the numerous bakeries along the medina streets, a skill perfected during French colonial times and still appreciated today. I'll never know. Our conversation barely lasted the time it took me to drink my mint tea and before the old gentlemen sitting next to us interrupted to ask what brand of toothpaste I used to keep my teeth so shiny. He laughed and spat out the peanuts he was chewing when he heard it was Colgate. So there was no exchange of names, or information - he did not even ask where I was from. Again this is not such a strange concept in a society where the only interaction men have with women are usually those from within his family. My suitor simply had not had the opportunity to learn basic dating rituals, like asking my name before popping the question. It may also explain why he kept asking me despite my rebuffs and giggles. Perhaps men are so used to being the superior sex in their male-dominated society that they can no longer consider a woman's feelings. For him he could not see why I would not take the matter seriously, why I would refuse and why I was laughing. For myself the situation seemed so ludicrous that I simply could not believe this man was serious. But he was and he would actually have gone through with it had I been willing. I have no doubt he is still waiting for me in that cafe. But even if I ever changed my mind and wanted to seriously considered his offer I doubt I'd ever find the cafe again. It was located just inside the Fes medina, the most confusing of areas with twisting rabbit warren streets, a maze of alleyways and bazaars that all looked the same, overcrowding and chaotic markets. It's a cacophony of vibrancy, colour, noise and exotic experience but not one I was prepared to accept for just 10 camels. My father later said just nine would have been an acceptable dowry but by then I was already miffed. A blonde, blue-eyed German friend who'd been to Morocco had been offered 50 camels! OTHER THINGS TO DO
Fes has numerous mosques, Queran schools, tanneries, government houses and good views over the city. The markets are incredible with every mouth watering flavour and smell imaginable. Pastias (pies with chicken, fruit and nuts and icing sugar coating) are famous in Fes. Marrakesh is the southern sister city and rival of Fes. It is smaller, cleaner and has fewer touts. It has tanneries, old mosques and palaces but its main feature is the central square. During the day there are orange juice stalls, snake charmers and herb sellers. At night there are acrobats, street entertainers and an open air food market. Further south is the outskirting desert regions of the great Sahara desert. You may wish to hire a car as public transport is infrequent. HOSPITALITY AND SAFETY
Moroccans are very friendly and don't pass up dinner or tea invitations if there is no hint of payment. Keep your wits about you, but most likely the "house" will be a room in a maze of alleyways. Hassles are pretty low key if you adopt the local attiutude of "enshallah" (as God wills) and don't be talked into anything. It is not advisable to travel alone or without male company.
Unofficial guides are forbidden to take tours in the Fes medina but it does not stop them trying. If you want to avoid the police make sure they are permitted to take you with them and work out a price before hand. Any invitation to visit a school will usually be followed by a request for a money donation. WHEN TO GO AND WHERE TO STAY
Winter in Morocco is a wonderful respite from Europe with warm sunny days. In summer it is hot, particularly in the south, but the shadowy alleyways in the medinas are cool. Be prepared to shop around and bargain for accommodation. Check for hot water and clean sheets. Hotel Cascade is recommended by many guest books, but the incredibly clean and new Pension Talaa further inside is the same price. GETTING THERE AND AWAY
There are international airports in Marrakesh, Agadir, Tangier, Fes, Laayoune, Oujda, Ouarzazate and Casablanca to name a few. Ferries leave daily from major ports in Spain, the most direct and commonly used is from Agleciras to Tangier. GETTING AROUND
Local transport is efficient and comfortable. Trains are punctual and safe, buses have standard fares but you need DR 5 spare for luggage charges. Always bargain for grand and petit taxis. BOOK HERE |
